A Head ’Round the Door

I daren’t check, but this is probably the longest break I’ve ever had from blogging. I tend to stop writing when life gets on top of me. It’s an anxiety thing, mostly, stemming from the fact that I always seem to have a heap of conflicting priorities. As I get overwhelmed, I start to feel paralysed, unable to start one thing as there’s a part of me that screams that I should be doing something else (and something else again if I start doing that). My writing, being something that I do solely for my own benefit, tends to be the first thing to suffer.

Fortunately, I have enthusiastic friends. Apparently several of my long-standing friends read this little corner of the internet (and I suppose it saves me writing one of those Christmas news letters…), the knowledge of which is often the tipping factor that allows me to give myself mental permission to actually write these posts.

Sadly, this short transmission isn’t an indication that I’m getting better (and I wrote it two weeks before I got ’round to posting it). Parts of my life have been out of control this past year, and I’ve been ground down quite badly. My housing situation is uncertain, and the full-time job that I was initially relieved to get has been something of a nightmare in reality. Things at work have begun to improve, but it’s likely to be a while before things settle down.

So here I am. Blogging. Often my first posts after silence have grand promises about what’s to come: more reviews, more fiction, more about the band, etc. etc. Today I can promise nothing. I have spent most of the last week off work trying to recover from a stress-induced physical breakdown. (Editor’s note: that was actually mid-November…) I’d have pushed the point with my GP, but actually being signed off sick is the last thing I can afford. My determination right now is to get my overdraft and credit card paid off so I can start doing something about moving on. One thing I can say is that I feel as though I owe Nevermore’s regular readers an update about Harlequin’s Kiss, because a few things have changed on that front since I last wrote wrote about my musical work. I might even manage to write it for next week before I disappear back into my depressive fug.

I’m hoping I can start to recover. The causes of my work stresses are in the process of being tackled and the fact that I’ve even managed to write this gives me some hope that I can get a grip of the other trailing cables in my life. I’m still a bit of a wreck at the moment, but I can feel a breeze from the end of the tunnel. If I can work out where it’s coming from, I might even find a chink of light…

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~ by Scary Rob on 7 December, 2015.

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