Catching Up, part 2

I suppose the next thing I need to tell you about is my course, source of woe that it turned out to be. I began an MA in Medieval History last October, and things started to go to ratshit about January. As I mentioned in a post around the time, I hadn’t written essays in a while and ended up procrastinating a bit before getting into the swing of them. In the end, though, they all came good, despite all being handed in a day or two late. Unfortunately, I never quite recovered from the chaotic fortnight I spent writing those essays.

Firstly, what little working pattern I had became disrupted. The rhythm of my academic life just plain stopped, and I never managed to get to grips with my workload again. My state of mind was declining, I was swinging between insomnia and oversleeping, and I was having trouble keeping focussed while I was reading. Finally I found myself in bed after a night out with what I had first assumed was a hangover turning into the worst migraine I’ve ever had. I lay there for two days, pretty much not moving. Every time I tried to stand, I threw up. My neck felt like it had been run over by a truck. All I could do was doze fitfully and spend hours contemplating the sheer agony I was in. This was March, and I should have taken it as a warning sign. Instead, I rolled on through the next couple of months until the second round of essays was due. I had developed a facebook addiction, mostly linked to a sense of disconnection I had from my friends and my social world. I felt like I was drifting away from everyone in my life. And this was only compounding the difficulties I was already having with studying. So another essay ended up late. And another.

When I say “late,” I finally submitted that second essay in October, when it was due in May. The reason for this is that, when it was a mere week late, I tried pulling an all-nighter to finish it and only got half-way through before having a panic attack. I ended up with a phobic reaction to any attempt at writing more, so I was only able to complete it after several weeks of therapy in September. As things stand, I have now missed an extended deadline on my dissertation, mostly because I made bad decisions while panicking. No-one seems to be able to tell me what happens next under these circumstances, so I’m writing a dissertation whose only purpose is to entertain my supervisor.

On the plus side, I managed to pull a solid pass in a Latin exam with inadequate revision, so at least I can claim my knowledge of the language is still functional…

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~ by Scary Rob on 12 December, 2011.

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