Ennui

I need to get out more. I seriously need to get out more.

Quite frankly, I’m getting the increasing feeling of climbing up the walls. I don’t get to spend enough time with people at the moment, outside the business nights of band rehearsals and writers’ group sessions. I want to break out, make some human contact, feel that warm feeling of understanding someone and communicating with someone that you can only get from faces and voices, not from chat boxes on a screen.

It’s not that I don’t have friends (and I love all of you), it’s that I don’t get the opportunity to see people much at the moment. My job pays me barely enough to scrape a living and that living doesn’t include the money to go to all the usual gathering places. To put it another way, I always feel guilty going to a pub and not buying drinks – the pub trade is a business after all, and an endangered one at that. Why should public houses give me the facility to sit and talk to people for free? You could argue that maybe I need to get out and do some of the many things that you can do for fun in Birmingham for free, but I’ve yet to find one of those things that involves my getting to know people. In the mean time, I feel trapped and consequently stressed. This is not good for getting all the myriad things I need to do done. I have considered the second job option, but this serves only to trap me in my current circumstances as I’ll no longer have the time to find the job I need or pursue what I perceive as my real career goals.

I think part of the problem is a certain level of seasonality. The change in the air and the sprouting of the bulb flowers tell me spring is here and I always get a little bit fired up at this time of year. I’m one of those horrendous summer people and have been for a while. As I see more of the sun, I want to be out laughing and chatting with familiar and unfamiliar faces, larking about in the garden and in parks, and making the most of this fantastic planet I live on.

So. Positive thinking time. What can I actually do? Well, I intend to invite people to see me more often: if a pub is too expensive, then one’s living room should surely suffice. I can also get more serious about my job hunt. If money’s my problem, then I have to fix it soon. In the meantime, I can always paint my ceiling while I’m up here…

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~ by Scary Rob on 8 March, 2010.

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