The Future

Life is odd sometimes. There are days when everything feels like it’s going to collapse around your ears; there are other days when everything seems to be falling into place. For over a year now, I’ve been floundering. I’ve been at my lowest ebb for a long time, watching my life slide out of my control and wondering what the hell I’m going to do with myself. Yet in the past fortnight everything seems to be turning around. In a week’s time I start a new job. It’s nothing exciting, but it’s paying me the exact salary I wanted for my first year of adulthood. And just because of that, my life seems to be falling into place.

The only explanation I can think of is that I like structure and routine. Knowing that I have regular hours allows me to organise my time where I’ve been prone to just letting things happen around me for a while. I can’t deal with life being too ordered, mind; the last time someone tried to actively control every aspect of my waking day, I ended up in a state that I realised later was probably clinical depression. Yet I do need some semblance of order to feel that I’m in control. Happiness may well turn out to come with nine-to-five work and knowing that I can keep a grip has given me a sense of wider horizons. The downside to all this is that I’m left at a crossroads.

I now have to question what I want out of life. I know I want to try to make a living out of writing, so that needs me to be able to devote time to my keyboard. On the other hand, if I had twenty thousand pounds a year as my salary, I could pay my debts off (including my student loan) in the space of three years. Financial freedom has its attractions but it involves moving where a company tells me to move rather than continuing to lay roots in Birmingham. My newfound sense of purpose means that I now have to work out what my priorities are. And the sooner the better.

January is going to be an odd month. January is when I have to decide whether it’s worth quitting my part-time job at the cinema (yes, I’m mad enough to be continuing with it for the time being) to concentrate on finishing my novel. It’s also when I have to decide how long I plan to stay in Birmingham and what plan B is if I decide I don’t. Adventures lie ahead and I feel excited by them. January 2008 is going to be a real time of new beginnings for me.

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~ by Scary Rob on 19 November, 2007.

2 Responses to “The Future”

  1. All the best on the new job mate !!

  2. Cheers, Boso!

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