I had so many trivialities to blog about last week and they’ve all gone out of my head. Life seems to have caught up with me again and illness over Christmas has set my college work back by several weeks. I should have another break, not blog ’til February when I should have dug myself out of the mire, but I’d feel I was failing myself. This time I really have bitten off more than I can chew and I’m having to work like the clappers to catch up with myself, but the last of my energy seems to have gone. I’m in a state where I’m perilously close to becoming depressed again. I went to bed at seven yesterday evening having made various appointments with tutors and medical professionals in the hope of sorting my life out and just curled up in a ball in the hope of forgetting the world. Fat chance. The landlord appeared after only ten minutes with a bunch of girls to look round the house.

I did get to sleep eventually, after spending a while feeling sorry for myself, and now I feel a little better balanced but I have a difficult day to face tomorrow where I find out exactly how bad my physical state is (I suspect I may have a stomach ulcer) and I meet with various tutors to discuss how I’m going to get my dissertation completed. Fortunately, the people I’m dealing with seem sympathetic; my biggest worry was that nobody would see past the defensive bubble of anarchic behaviour and facetious good humour I put up to make sure nobody gets too close to the raw nerves. Tomorrow could all go horribly wrong and I could be left having to write a dissertation and an assessed essay in a week flat. This is beyond even my usual powers of working at speed, let alone the sloth I develop when I’m in this state of mind.

How do I recover? To be honest, I’m not sure. I can’t even tell what the root of the problem is. I have a couple of trivial emotional problems at the moment (girls again) and the stress of third year uni work is getting to me a little but it doesn’t explain why I seem to be giving up on the world at the moment. This counts double for the fact that I was feeling relatively optimistic only a few days ago. It seems I’ve just had an emotional crash without any particular reason. It could be linked to the bout of insomnia that just ended recently but even the cause of the insomnia is something of a mystery.

To make matters worse, I’ve got myself involved with some other projects at university that I can’t back out of and I need to have my charm turned up to eleven to make sure that things run according to plan. I’m a mess but I’m in no position to tidy myself up.


~ by Scary Rob on 16 January, 2007.

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