The Wanderer Returns

I’ve had a little break now and I’m glad to say that I am now back in business. Long may I reign! Mind you, I can hardly call myself King of the Bloggers with my weekly-if-you’re-lucky updates and my regular readership of five. Actually, I exaggerate. It’s four. Anyway, I wish all four of you a joyful and prosperous New Year. May you get everything you wish for and more in 2007.

My little Christmas holiday was massively entertaining this year. As ever, I only took a week off work to go to my parents’ house in Cambridge and got hijacked into moving furniture and decorating. I end up so frustrated every year because we never get the tree up until one o’clock on Christmas morning. My Dad always seems to plan a major DIY operation (or five) during Advent, meaning that the house always smells of fresh paint rather than pine-needles at Christmas. That said, I planned to relax this year and I think I managed it – though not by the means I’d intended.

I awoke at six on the Friday morning, having had only a couple of hours’ sleep, with a curious feeling. I felt the need to throw up and also to move my bowels at the same time. I chose to do the latter first and see if I could manage not to be ill. My room was hot and I’d had a couple of large Cuba Libres the night before; chances are that I was just a touch hung over and a few more hours in bed would sort me out. I’d finished washing my hands before I finally decided that I needed to let it all out. Like a dam bursting, I let the watery liquid in my stomach explode into the sink. So much came up so quickly that it came out of my nose at the same time. I filled the large bathroom sink and wondered how the hell my stomach was holding that volume of liquid and where it had all come from. I was soon to find out.

When I woke up again a few hours later, my skin was dry as parchment and I was massively dehydrated. I couldn’t go back to sleep because my head was hurting too badly. I don’t understand how or why, but it seems that my body had pumped all its non-vital moisture into my stomach that morning just so I could throw it up. I spent the day sipping water and feeling sorry for myself. Eventually, I stomached some ibuprofen and passed out.

I must have an iron constitution. When I awoke, my headache was gone and I was able to move around a bit. The next morning, I was even able to eat again without my stomach protesting. I gave my thanks to God; quite frankly, I shouldn’t have recovered so quickly given that I was feeling half-dead at four o’clock on Friday afternoon. Thus I was not forced to help with the DIY and furniture removal for a couple of days, though I’m not entirely convinced that it was a fair exchange. I’ve been ill often enough before and been closer to being killed by illness before (I once managed to contract scarlet fever, of all things) but the experience has been utterly surreal. I couldn’t make head nor tail of the symptoms and it just didn’t make sense that my body did what it did. Still, I seem to have got a post out of the deal so I can’t complain…

Sadly, that was the most exciting thing that happened to me this Christmas, with the possible exception of moving a couch. I’ve just been left with the unfortunate lamentation that a man who is into eighties metal never gets to play the albums he got for Christmas until he goes home to ponder on as my lingering thought for the end of the year. Oh well, at least New Year’s should be interesting. The Edwards No. 8 team are hosting a bash for the occasion at a place in Aston and it could well be the last we hear of the club now that the brewery have officially abandoned it. The run was for three nights – two Saturdays plus New Years – and by the time you read this I will have been out for the final two nights. It will truly be the end of an era. Actually, I have a feeling that 2007 is going to be a year of new beginnings for me all round. Firstly, I intend to sort my health out. I’m going on a dry-out for the whole of January, in the hope that I can start to erode my beer gut. Add a little exercise and I should get back to the trim state I was in during my gap year quite quickly. Secondly, I should be graduating in the summer which will lead me to a new house, a new (and hopefully more fulfilling) job and a new lifestyle. I’d like to think it was less chaotic than my current one but I seem to be one of these people that things just happen to. Whether I like it or not, I have adventures and I don’t think I’d want it any other way.

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~ by Scary Rob on 2 January, 2007.

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