I love humanity…

Most Thursdays I go to the pub. Usually I meet with Gotsu and TJ for the evening. Ostensibly this is a writers’ group but, what with there being so few of us, how much we discuss our work tends to depend very much on what our other commitments have been during any given week. Recently we’ve been given to discussing organising the Sci-Fi and Fantasy Society at the University, given that we also make up most of the active committee. One fine day, others may well join us on a Thursday evening; in the meantime, I’ll just keep advertising the time and venue on my LiveJournal.

We often ship out at nine on account of the pub’s karaoke nights beginning at that time, which leaves me filling the rest of the evening in weird and wonderful ways. Sometimes I go to Scruffy Murphy’s in town, sometimes I work on something at home and, once every million years or so, I go to bed. This week I got myself pissed at the meeting and decided that, as I couldn’t be arsed to cook, I’d get pizza. This is when the fun really started! I walked from the psychiatric hospital to Bristol Road, hoping my favourite pizza parlour was still open (it being after midnight and in the university’s closed season) and found, to my unconfinable joy, that it was. As usual, the guy at the counter managed to undercharge me and I found myself in possession of a large chicken, mushroom and sweetcorn pizza. I bought myself a loaf of bread at the garage and ate the pizza on a bench outside the local Aldi. Well, I ate half of the pizza.

My body decided I needed water so I went back to the garage, pizza under one arm and loaf under the other. Just yards from my destination I saw this figure break off slightly from where he was walking with his mate and wrap his arm around my head. His other arm, ending (predictably) with a fist, proceeded to poke itself rather forcibly just above my left eyebrow and behind my right ear before the figure went back to his mate and just carried on walking.

I have a concrete skull; someone at school once tested this with a slab of tarmac. Therefore, unsurprisingly, I just shrugged it off and continued my single-minded aquatic quest, it not occurring to me that I may want to beat the shit out of this guy for his impertinence. By the time I got out of the garage and my drunken mind let me turn my attention back to this foolhardy coward that picks on people when they’re not in a position to defend themselves, I’d lost him. So I went back to Aldi and ate the rest of my pizza. I woke up the next morning with a small bruise behind my ear and a hangover and went to work having only had three hours sleep. Consequently, I almost killed a customer…

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~ by Scary Rob on 18 September, 2006.

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