The Seventh Circle of Hell

The seventh circle of hell is a Baskin Robbins stand. The worst sinners are doomed to spend eternity serving ice-cream to an assortment of idiots and ignorant so-and-sos with further trouble added to their lives by half-wit co-workers who don’t know what they’re doing under-charging customers and leaving the sinner in question to pick up the pieces when a customer complains that they didn’t get as much ice-cream for their money as the previous one in the queue.

I bloody hate serving Baskin Robbins ice-cream but it’s part of my job, so I have to do it. To give yourself some idea what it’s like, go into Tesco and stand in front of one of the open-top freezers for seven hours and dip your head into said freezer intermittently whilst doing your best to break your own wrist. Unlike Carte d’Or, which we have at the
Cambridge branch, Baskin Robbins is rock hard and has really poorly designed scoops. Chocolate is the worst, and the damage I do to my wrist over the course of a night can be agonising. A few weeks ago, some idiot even asked me for a tub with six large scoops of chocolate. I can only assume they were some kind of sadist…

Then I have to deal with the pricing system. I don’t work with the brightest of people, and some of them insist on using large scoops to do sundaes, which only use the small ones. This means that customers keep asking me for ‘two scoops of ice-cream’ then get annoyed when I charge them for a double scoop rather than the less expensive two-scoop sundae (which is actually smaller, dear, and not what you asked for). One complete prat even made a requested two scoop sundae with the larger scoops just before I came on the stand to start serving. I unwittingly ran into the usual trap and a short argument with a customer as a result. I conceded in the name of good grace, but berk-features is going on the list.

Then there was the customer who couldn’t be arsed to read the labels that were right in front of her and made up names of flavours as she went along, leaving muggins here to do the guesswork. Worse still, she was ordering for three different people and called some of the flavours something different every time.

But my very favourite was the man who jumped the queue then said, “one ninety for that? I don’t want it anymore.”

So I’ve taken to asking customers if they want their ice-cream served with the new promotional UYA insertion technique. It basically involves them bending over and taking down their trousers…



~ by Scary Rob on 10 December, 2004.

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