A TARDIS Meme
What does your TARDIS look like? Those of you that remember old school Doctor Who will recall that a TARDIS is built out of block transfer equations and therefore there is an infinite amount of variation – only the current crop of Doctors feel that a console room has to look like a bomb site.
Describe your control console – Ebony panelled with the controls in silver. The central column would be of the up-to-the-ceiling type with the two interlocking half time rotors in glowing blue. However, the displays would all be in green and red LEDs or red digital numerical displays.
What are the walls in the console room like? – Two foot high ebony panels round the bottom up to a height of maybe 3 ft, with white paint on flat plaster the rest of the way up. At regular intervals, surrealist paintings will be hung.
Any sunken levels or gantries in there? – I can see the console on a slightly raised plinth, otherwise nothing would disturb the royal blue carpeting
Five items of furniture that your console room would always have:
1. – A big black leather sofa
2. – A beer fridge (right next to the sofa)
3. – A 1980s stereo system
4. – A large persian rug
5. – A large ebony gaming table
Five trophies from your adventures in time and space:
1. – A thrinaxodon asleep in a wicker basket in one corner.
2. – The Ark of the Covenant being used as an occasional table next to the sofa.
3. – A 9th century edition of lost Anglo-Saxon poetry
4. – A deck of cards issued to the 25th century Indian military: “World’s most dangerous American terrorists”
5. – A seveteenth cetury backgammon set
The inside of a TARDIS can be a pocket universe. So what does your bathroom look like? – Ceiling to floor white tiles with one of those cliched baths with brass feet in the middle. A hatstand over a warm air vent next to the bath holds towels and there is a dressing screen in one corner of the huge room. It has good acoustics.
There’s also space for some rooms that are just completely off the wall, a recreation of Blackpool’s coast circa 1891 for example. Describe one of yours – A recreation of the Pitlochry stretch of the river Tummel in Scotland as it would have looked around the 10th century.
Finally, does your chameleon circuit work? Does it have any quirks (like always disguising your TARDIS as a certain type of object or, like the Doctor’s, being just plain stuck)? – It works, but it has issues with context. An ice cream van at a Normandy beach on D-Day or a beach hut in the middle of a field of cows, for example.
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